Lesson Learned.
On August last year, I failed math. It was the first time in my life that I had failed something that had a great consequence on my life. Failing math meant I had to add another year to my university studies. I was really shook by this and ever since then, I have always felt like I was living in debt.
The following morning after I failed math, I gave up on it and decided to transfer university. I thought if I couldn't pass it the first time, there's no use trying it for the second time. My dad sat me down that morning and long story short, he changed my mind. Although still unsure whether I could do it, I had made up my mind to retake math and try it for a second time. I told myself a few times: "it's only math. I'll practice more, practice regularly. it's only math."
So from September 2012 til the math exam on May 5th 2013, I did as I promised myself. I practiced math more and regularly. Sometimes I studied out of fear, other times out of determination. But for whatever reason I studied for, I studied. Oftentimes I doubted myself because it felt like no matter how much I practiced, I kept making mistakes, but once in a while when I would do a sum flawlessly, I felt just a little bit more reassured.
It was hard to study math. But what's harder is having to face uncertainty. Not knowing if I am good enough, practiced enough, did well enough. And it became harder and harder as the exam results came nearer and nearer. This, and the fact that I had 3 other subjects to worry for killed me. Also doesn't help that the results were delayed from 13th to 16th August, and we only got to know by 12th. Midnight. It killed me twice.
Today, I got my exam results. I passed. Not with flying colors, but still gracefully.
I felt lifted.
Waiting for that page to load and finally seeing that I passed everything was like listening to a song that started soft during the bridge and exploded in the chorus. Like a victory fanfare.
I once heard that courage is not being brave to do something. But being afraid to do something and doing it anyway. On 18th August 2012, I was totally unsure whether I could try math again and pass, but I made up my mind that day to go for it. And for once, I am not going to be modest and attribute this to luck or anything else, because I worked hard for this and I made it happen. Hard work pays off, and it has given one of the best feelings I have felt in my life.
The following morning after I failed math, I gave up on it and decided to transfer university. I thought if I couldn't pass it the first time, there's no use trying it for the second time. My dad sat me down that morning and long story short, he changed my mind. Although still unsure whether I could do it, I had made up my mind to retake math and try it for a second time. I told myself a few times: "it's only math. I'll practice more, practice regularly. it's only math."
So from September 2012 til the math exam on May 5th 2013, I did as I promised myself. I practiced math more and regularly. Sometimes I studied out of fear, other times out of determination. But for whatever reason I studied for, I studied. Oftentimes I doubted myself because it felt like no matter how much I practiced, I kept making mistakes, but once in a while when I would do a sum flawlessly, I felt just a little bit more reassured.
 |
| 8 months worth of maths. |
 |
| Night before exam. |
 |
| After exam. |
It was hard to study math. But what's harder is having to face uncertainty. Not knowing if I am good enough, practiced enough, did well enough. And it became harder and harder as the exam results came nearer and nearer. This, and the fact that I had 3 other subjects to worry for killed me. Also doesn't help that the results were delayed from 13th to 16th August, and we only got to know by 12th. Midnight. It killed me twice.
Today, I got my exam results. I passed. Not with flying colors, but still gracefully.
I felt lifted.
Waiting for that page to load and finally seeing that I passed everything was like listening to a song that started soft during the bridge and exploded in the chorus. Like a victory fanfare.
I once heard that courage is not being brave to do something. But being afraid to do something and doing it anyway. On 18th August 2012, I was totally unsure whether I could try math again and pass, but I made up my mind that day to go for it. And for once, I am not going to be modest and attribute this to luck or anything else, because I worked hard for this and I made it happen. Hard work pays off, and it has given one of the best feelings I have felt in my life.
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